Part 2: The real face of Narcissism
I find it fascinating that despite the confusion, conflict, and pain that bullying causes, in so-called civilised society, bullying is encouraged, taught, and mastered. It is often adopted by politicians, leaders and other authority figures as a suitable modus operandi. In response, some play the role of subservient, downtrodden, or conflict fearing counterparts. Others just want to keep the peace at any cost and choose appeasement in the face of aggression.
What do you choose? to bully or not to bully? do you choose to be bullied or to stand-up to the bully? to walk away or take a stand? There’s no judgement here, i have been a bully, been bullied, and taken a stand against bullying. Reflecting, inquiring, discerning, choosing, evolving is all part and parcel of becoming a better person.
Rosa Lopes’s Thoughts on Bullying, Manipulation, and Narcissism
Recently, I’ve noticed that some young people today can be pretty aggressive. It seems like they try to use their power to benefit themselves.
In my 15 years of experience as a teacher, I’ve seen a big difference in how young people behave now compared to before. It seems like education levels are different, and parents may not be as involved in their children’s lives due to busy schedules. This lack of attention and love at home can lead some kids to seek attention through bullying.
Bullying is often a way for people to try to control others because they’re lacking in love, self-esteem, and communication skills. It’s a complex issue.
Manipulation
Manipulation is another big problem in our society. While manipulation has always been around, nowadays, it’s often used in negative ways. It can create situations where people try to dominate or abuse power subtly.
I personally experienced manipulation from a so-called friend for six years. It was tough to break free from her influence, especially since she made me doubt myself and my worth. Her control over me made me sick, both physically and emotionally. It took a lot of work to regain my power and end the toxic relationship.
Narcissism
Narcissism is another aspect of this dynamic. It’s a self-centred energy that can be manipulative but is primarily focused on serving one’s ego. Narcissistic individuals often lack empathy and only care about themselves and their goals.
In today’s society, even businesses and brands can exhibit narcissistic tendencies, prioritising profit over everything else.
Narcissists may appear confident and successful on the outside, but they often have deep emotional issues to deal with. They use others to fulfil their needs without acknowledging their own weaknesses and insecurities.
These are just some of my thoughts on these complex topics.
Thank you Rosa for your candid share, you echo some common thoughts that our clients share.
Bully for you!
Bullying is a natural phenomenon in creation. The need to exert influence is part of nature, we see this behaviour in the mineral, plant and animal kingdoms and in the human being who identifies with separation, the one acting out of fear, possessiveness, envy, jealousy, competitiveness etc. Everyone at some stage has been a bully or been bullied. It’s only when the persona develops the maturity to seek Truth, to seek the Source of its existence, to step out of the drama triangle (playing the roles of victim, rescuer, perpetrator), and step into the light of the ONE (Love and Truth) does this shadow heal.
Through detachment and discernment, we remember our unity, our Atmic (Essence / Spirit / Divine) Reality, then there is no need to bully or be bullied. We simply sidestep the drama. The awareness of Love within and all around us transforms our relation with each other. You can learn more about this is the book “Detachment: The Secret to Infinite Peace”.
The Narcissist (sounds a lot like the nasty cyst)
It’s important not to confuse narcissistic behaviour with self-importance, arrogance or ego driven personality. Arrogant, proud, self-righteous, or egotistical people are capable of great acts of service, they can love deeply and completely. They can make sacrifices and do right. Although, they may push people away with their stubborn pig-headedness, their tenacity can be a huge asset in challenging times. They have the capacity to be generous.
Narcissistic people are those with tunnel vision, nothing exists in the world but their needs. This makes them empty, constantly in search of gratification and willing to manipulate at great cost to get their demands met. It is a deeply painful persona to embody. They live in a world of scheming complexity which is quite dark and very difficult to break free from. Their charm and altruism is all a pretence. They are incapable of being generous.
Arrogant people can be confused with narcissistic people
A good way to tell if the person displaying encompassing self-absorption is narcissistic or not, is to see if they are capable of serving humanity. Do they do anything in service to or for others (beyond the family)? Both can be bullies and seek to exert undue influence. The latter will prefer manipulation as a control strategy, while the arrogant will often lapse into anger. Both are difficult to live with. Both can be charming. It is easier for an arrogant person to find God (Love and Truth), to believe in something other than themselves. For the nasty cyst… it’s not going to be easy.
Another area of confusion is between those that are self-centred and those that are Self-confident. Self-centred people on the whole have a clear cut agenda which begins and ends with them, they need to be in control and are constantly seeking ego-gratification. Self-confident people on the other hand are good listeners, they pay attention, are conscientious and will often be compassionate, loving and generous.
Gaslighting
This is probably the hardest to avoid and for many it is the toughest to spot. Gaslighting is more common than you imagine, it’s subtle, the reason some are more prone to it than others is a lack of connection to the inner compass (innate intuitive wisdom).
Nowadays we live under the constant shadow of gaslighting, whether it is the media, social media, family, friends, political agendas, corporate interests etc. Everyone has a spin. The only way to spot it and step out of its control is to develop complete Self-confidence. To constantly connect to the Truth within. To focus on Love and shine a light on fear. It is the ultimate bullying tactic.
Manipulation through creating doubt and making lies seem like truth. It has taken me years to even grasp the concept of gaslighting, it’s such a tricky energy. I witness it with deep compassion, it is such a complex and exhausting energy to maintain, the karmic comeback is huge. To have to constantly lie. In this life I have faced judgement and displeasure from others for choosing transparency and honesty over silence and collusion. That displeasure has occasionally felt a little like gaslighting, and the spiral begins with the thought, “perhaps I made a mistake…” and before I know it, I am apologising, defending, retracting…
Yes You Can…
How can you stop the spiral into second guessing, doubt, and finally retraction of truth? You can do it through connection to God (for example with The LiberatingTouch Tree Meditation), detachment to the person(s), issue and event with the Infinity Exercise. It takes patience, but eventually you get there and are able to step into the Love of Truth.
For more information about LiberatingTouch, the Detachment Process and the Infinity exercise visit: https://liberatingtouch.com/peace-and-detachment/
About Rosa Lopes
Rosa Lopes is an exceptional beauty therapist and educator with over 20 years of experience in the wellness industry. Passionate about detachment, astrology, spirituality, and the practice of loving God through serving others, Rosa’s journey is one of profound dedication to inner peace and holistic well-being.
As the translator of “Detachment – The Secret to Infinite Peace” into Portuguese, titled “Desapego – O Segredo para a Paz Infinita,” Rosa shares her wisdom and recorded audios with a wide audience. Based in Parades De Coura, her beauty clinic serves as a haven where she uplifts friends, clients, and students alike with deep listening and boundless love, enriching lives both inside and out. You can get in touch with her via email: rmpalopez@gmail.com
In part 3 of this 3-part series, Shelley initiates a Q&A conversation about bullying, narcissism and gaslighting. Click here to have a read.
You might also like to read part 1 in which Deborah Lacy shares her insights. Click here to have a read 🙂
If you would like to share your thoughts on this 3-part blog or on any of the articles you read at https://whatwecan.com/blog/, visit our Facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/WhatWeCAN to comment. Thank you.
