Between life and death, there is a gulf of uncertainty, of unknown and infinite possibility. If there is anything I have learnt, it is that kindness matters.
It’s the little things that are the big things. The smile shared at a supermarket checkout. The planting of a tree. Wiping away a child’s tears. A wrinkled aged hand nestled in mine. Kind words. Encouragement. Compassion in the face of prejudice.
There is a reason humankind is called what it is, it’s meant to be kind. It’s our true nature.
Have you seen any of the accounts of Near-Death Experiences (NDE) on YouTube, many of them speak of LOVE, and our innate calling to be kind, to be of service to each other.
I have put together a YouTube playlist of a few NDEs, here is the link for you:
I was exposed to death at a young age, part of my cultural upbringing. Thus, i experience death as a natural part of life. One of the reasons people disconnect from Love and Truth (God) is their fear of death. Death is the most natural process of life and to fear it is to fear life.
A Life-changing Death Experience
I don’t like calling the experiences near-death experiences, because for a short while i was dead, the body had ceased to function.
At the age of 26, just over 7 months pregnant, I discovered that the baby died in utero. Labour was induced so that I could give birth to our dead son. It was an extraordinary experience and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Birth and death in a single instance, transporting me beyond Creation (Manifest Consciousness / Delusion).
There were some complications with the placenta so I was taken into surgery. Being allergic to the anaesthetic, i went into severe anaphylactic shock and died on the table. As soon as i died, i was transported through a tunnel of sorts that wasn’t a tunnel, it was black or dark and yet made of pure infinite Light. I hurtled towards a singularity that I recognised as the Eternal Emptiness, beyond time and space, Absolute Truth, to Non-Existence and there was JOY. I, me, mine, my did not exist. There was no other. Annihilation. Ranjana ceased to exist, no thought, no being, no-thing, complete and empty all at once.
Somehow, I was drawn back into Creation, like a golden thread pulled from the singularity of everlasting perfection intact with memory and tendency. How? I returned in the body, to a medical person banging my head on the steel table, shouting wake-up. Bliss flowed through this bruised battered body, everything was a blur, I remember smiling at Eddie and seeing his relief at my return. It took a while to integrate. Years actually. Slowly over time I remembered, THAT IS all I ever wanted, to cease to exist, not just to die, but to be annihilated so completely that no thing remained. (To be continued in the next blog)
Monica’s Thoughts on Birth and Death
Death and Life
My second pregnancy was a different pregnancy, a more ‘unsure’ one. I would define it as a pregnancy that was lacking some strength.
On the 5th month, I was told that the baby was not going to survive his birth. After the consultation with doctors, I was advised to take an abortion. I was shocked (my partner was shocked too but he was more accepting). I couldn’t understand why to interfere with this natural course. The main reason I consented was to avoid the possibility of the baby suffering or feeling pain.
At that time, I did not question the truth of the science behind it and the consequent advice by the doctors. I consented to the procedure.
At the moment of birth, I felt that the room was filled with love. I felt a very strong sense of joy and I was in awe with the baby. To me, he was perfect. I was able to share this with the nurse, although almost immediately the nurse had to continue with my medical interventions. I was very sad to leave the baby and that atmosphere.
For 3 days after the birth, I was surrounded by an energy that sustained me. I was immersed in love and I felt grateful.
After the third day, I felt this energy going away. Without a doubt, I suffered and I was sad. I was missing something that was not there, as a family I saw us as four members and I found it hard to accept that we were just three. At the same time, I felt very lucky. I felt that the baby gave me the gift of life. I felt that there was a giving. That there was a decision and a sacrifice on his part.
My Belief System
This experience made me challenge one of my beliefs: ‘the fact that somebody is too young to die’.
I realised how untrue this was as life is life, and it doesn’t matter how long it is. I realised that even the life in the womb is life, no more and no less. All life is precious.
How to Remember
After the short sweet funeral, filled with poems, the question arose from within me that demanded an answer, how to remember the baby and how to honour the experience. To begin with, my partner and I started to attend the services organised by the hospital. But after one year or so, I felt the need for something else, something more ‘mine’.
I, then, asked the nearest church to have the baby’s name mentioned during a service (as a custom of the catholic church), but this did not feel ‘the right way’ for me.
After some time and introspection, I decided on a tattoo (I understand that this does not look like a very creative idea and now tattoos are in vogue, but for me, at that time, it was a revelation). It was a small and sweet tattoo in connection to my grandmother and my mother’s lineage. A swallow holding a flower, for receiving and giving; for a thank you.
Remembering With LiberatingTouch*(LT)
Now, I love my tattoo and what I see is sweetness and something delicate. There is no longer any need for any specific ritual to remember or honour that time.
The need has changed into the healthy quest to come back ‘home’, to wholeness, to the deep sense of love and truth which I have learnt with LiberatingTouch (LT).
The concept of remembering the son I lost, has transformed into remembering ‘Who I am’ as a constant reminder from Ranjana and Eddie.
It is this sense of home that I long to return to with meditation and all the LT practices.
Monica is an extraordinarily skilled and magical LiberatingTouch Facilitator. I do not say the word magical lightly. She is someone who can feel the sweetness of the in-between spaces and draw them into reality. With her, every session is a creative adventure, where the mind tastes the nectar of the heart, never to be the same again.
To book a session or join one of her classes, please email her at – email@example.com
That’s all for now, till our next encounter, blessings and love, Ranjana
*LiberatingTouch® (LT) IS: Yoga (Truth), Conscious living (Self-Responsibility), Meditation (Peace), Healing (Love).