I started writing a series of short pieces on the “The Bus Stop of Life” at the beginning of the year. They are contemplations on the in-between state of being, neither here nor there. Life is a journey, and on this journey, we often find ourselves in a place of waiting. Waiting for… In this in-between state, the magic of wisdom dawns, if we pay attention. This is part 6 of 7.
I love these in-between spaces; I never know what I will be inspired to write.
In these eyes
I peer into these eyes
and find the abyss
absorbing all light, all dark
not even I
before the beginning and without end
Absorbed, empty, nothing, absolute
the lightning draws a golden thread
back into existence
the light of joy
all that IS
in these eyes
The gift of waiting
One of the gifts of waiting is patience and this catalyses deep healing and transformation. The greater your willingness to experience the waiting, the deeper the transformation, the easier it is to know effortless reality. Resistance makes the waiting a struggle. I learnt that when I let go of resistance, I become still, when I am still, I experience unity in my thoughts, expression and action, I experience wholeness – this for me is healing.
Having spent so much of my life deconstructing, constructing, and reconstructing my thought processes and identity, in this space of waiting, I can go beyond all constructs. I can be silent. Gazing into the abyss, I discover I believe nothing and I believe everything. I trust this moment in its entirety. As I meditate on ‘believe’ I notice permutations arise:
BE A LIVE
As I sit with this in expansive stillness, i experience a gentle vibration, a power, that is simultaneously rippling outwards and spiralling inwards. There are no boundaries to this force of nature, it is encompassing and liberating.
I ask myself is the ability to believe the ability to harness power? and does what I believe dictate my destiny?
What do you believe?
While you explore this, I invite you to ask yourself, do you have permission to be believe in yourself?
The dictionary states that permission is authorisation granted to do something; formal consent, for e.g., to ask permission to leave the room. That is the act of permitting.
When you do an action whatever it may be, who gives you the authority to do it. No one thinks of it. It is usually your own authority or from a higher part of yourself. This part of yourself is more discerning and discriminates between what is right, (are you hurting or harming anyone with your actions) or wrong (are there going to be consequences with your actions). Most of us tend to do this automatically, without any thought behind our actions. However, when you have experiences, or believe in a Higher Self, you think about it before you act. In the beginning, it would be because you follow certain beliefs or rules. Later on, when you are established in this discriminatory power, it becomes part of your nature.
Then there are also those who have been traumatised, either in this life, or some other life. They have developed certain filters that colour their decisions or actions. They want a good life, a happy family, or some form of ease, to achieve this they make certain decisions. Because of the filters they have, they may want to create this good life no matter the cost, even if it means stealing or hurting someone, because they believe that is ok, or that their desire to have something outweighs their moral conscience.
Then there are others who feel they can’t make certain decisions, because they have not got permission. They will only act if they are given permission by their husband, wife, or boss. There are others who have been so traumatised, that they cannot function well because they feel they have no permission to act.
A Stepping Stone
Permission works like a stepping stone, it can help one cross the barrier of resistance, trauma, confusion, and disbelief to create change and step into freedom.
Permission is a bit like pressing the allow/go button. The ego-self / inner child needs it to release resistance, let go of trauma and heal the many wounds of the mind. In software terms, it allows access. In consciousness terms, it is when the child-self/ego-self feels it has the attention, acceptance, trust and support of the Parent Self/Higher-Self to state its needs and wants. It is a paradox, because the Infinite Truth (Wisdom) within has given you full rights and capabilities to choose good in your life, yet IT knows that there are times when you feel the need for permission or confirmation to take action. And so, when you give yourself permission to Let Go, Accept and Forgive you are actually aligning yourself with the THAT Wisdom, because that is what IT would help you with.
As a young girl
As a young girl, I was encouraged to be a leader by my father, to make an impact on the world stage, to step up and step forward. At the same time, I admired how my mother served the family as a homemaker and the sacrifices she made for us, this made her truly heroic in my eyes. I was deeply attracted to spiritual wisdom and found myself caught between wanting to be a hermit, sacrifice all desire, surrender, choose anonymity, instead of being propelled into the public arena as a teacher, artist, change maker, mentor, speaker. I felt conflicted for many many years. On the one hand as an artist, I exhibited my art without shame on the other I got myself trapped in shame situations. Years later the love of my life, Eddie, who did the dishes alongside me taught me to celebrate the flow of life in whatever form it took. He taught me that we can sacrifice and light the fire of love in the hearts of many. He encouraged me to paint, write, sing, dance, do and be anything for Love and Truth. I finally felt free to lead, to be silent, to step up and step in. It has been liberating. He helped me give myself permission to be all that I can be.
There is a direct correlation between Permission, Trust, Openness and Acceptance
Disbelief emerges as a coping mechanism, a way of dealing with shock, trauma and disappointment. If it is not met with love (understanding), it will eventually spread through our unconscious as an undercurrent (of disbelief) eroding our self-belief, self-acceptance and confidence. Once we believe (accept the unacceptable) we can let go, we become free to love again. We need to give ourselves the permission to let go. (If you want to know how to do this, help is at hand in the guise of LiberatingTouch Facilitator – you can find the one for you at: https://liberatingtouch.com/love/
That is all for now, till our next encounter, love and gratitude, ranjana